tests...

I'll be blogging before then...but June 4th at 10:00 a.m I'm having my mammogram & ultrasound...I thought I had a few more years before this torture...I'll be sure to share all the gruesome details!

Then it's off to Dr. Pilla...my boob guy!

apparently i've been remiss with where i'm from...

I am from magical cd mixes, reading liner notes & noticing faces on cd's, appreciating musicianship.
I am from being called names and finding a person who knows me.
I am from picking on you & laughing at you because you know I don't mean it.
I am from Spiegelworld, apricot ale, baseball games.
I am from cheesesteak face, Elvis towels, and stealing sheets.
I am from TRAC tickets, Chic-fil-a, and sharing my entire life story.
I am from days at the park with our kids, the pretzel people, and honest laughter.
I am from Cabo.
I am from the place you can go when you need a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on.
I am a friend for the rest of your life...I am the girl you can count on always, I am blessed to have you.

silence isn't always golden...

so I preface this with an apology to those it makes uncomfortable...I'm trying not to be an alarmist...I've tried to follow my own advice & remain calm until you have a reason to actually freak the hell out...but this is MY blog...so here goes...

Last night I found a lump in my breast. I am sorry it's so blunt but I've been saying it for hours...almost 24 of them to be exact. I had a pain...the kids & I were playing & I think I had a flip flop thrown at me...it hurt. I got in bed later & said out loud..."My boob hurts!" (all class here folks, I know!!) So I went to see if it was bruised...I pulled down my tank top & THERE IT WAS, I felt it with the side of my finger, a lump...A LUMP...I grabbed Barry's hand & said," Feel this...WHAT IS THIS???" & he giggled like the little boy he is...lol...then I watched him get uncomfortable right in front of me...& he just said, "Call a doctor, I'm not a doctor." I kept asking him if it was a lump & he just held me & told me to relax.

When I mentioned it to Heath, she gave me statistics...thanks for always geeking me into laughter! But, I know what can happen...I buried Aurelia Kates 14 years ago...I don't care about the math...I want to see my children get married...!!! Am I a lunatic for freaking out before I know anything?? YES & I'm rational enough to know that...but, I'm still freaking out.


So, I called the idiot doctor & will see them tomorrow...the boys at work can't get over the fact that a man gets paid to grab boobies all day...I tried explaining that it's really not that glamorous of a job...that they're immune at this point...but, they don't buy it!!!!!!!!!

So...I'm not trying to scare you...but please...say a prayer if you read this before then...I could use a little strength & some peace & maybe some sleep...I'm just a chicken right now...& I need a little love...so I'm asking quite nicely...please let me be ok!!!! I can't not be ok...I've got really great boobs...I'd hate to think they're turning on me.

Where I'm from...

I AM FROM

I am from B-10 Hillside Manor Apartments, "Arnie, get me a beer.", a mole, the smell of Old Spice & fuzzy sweaters, green wooden letters on a wall.

I am from a big sister with Sarah Beth, monkey bars, the zipper, worrying about her while she watches E.T. first.

I am from a million addresses, a real Dad, a mom who finally followed years of - "My children come before any man!"

I am from the Little Girls, the attic, whispering on the phone in the closet.

I am from Woodbury & I'm so proud to say so!

I am from the Steeler's field, the back of the bus, winning championships & pizza parties courtesy of Bruce Connell!

I am from pom poms, perfectly polished saddle shoes, half time dances, tryouts, & walking to practices in the summer.

I am from decorating houses, football fields & Delaware Street, drinking wine coolers & creme de minthe in Kristen's bedroom closet.

I am from Fall Parades, yellow skirts & cartwheels in them, megaphones, Homecoming Dances, Proms, & feeling like I ruled the world.

I am from art class with Marge Sebest & Lance Butler, being inspired by lust to read any book assigned senior year because a brilliant man suggested it.

I am from the burning bed, Pepsi & Doritoes, stogin' around the pot, Avalon nights & hitchiking.

I am from Stone Harbor, skyline golf, Brian's breakfasts & suntan oil.

I am from girls who turn pink in the heat of the sun yet remain the Goddess of Summer!

I am from falling in love with my eternity in March of 1993.

I am from a beautiful Italian grandfather who loved me completely, but was faulty in that love to his own daughter.

I am from a family of strong women who have been taught by the matriarch to be the boss of their own lives.

I am from the Colonial Diner, Nippers...Thursday nights & Frank Annunziato, Neena's, underage drinking, the grocery getter, Sam's Club with Kath & Margie.

I am from a bad road trip & being ignored by Mr. Moyer all the way home.

I am from a phone book on the floor, my best girls & a long wait together.

I am from waking up to a woman who understood me & loved me & made me coffee as she told me she loved me no matter what.

I am from Solid Gold, Red Down Below & hearing nothing but bass, parties with his FIANCEE?, feeling ok, because she was by my side.

I am from road trips to follow bands, having a permanent alibi, being the permanent alibi for all cigarette smells.

I am from the Saturn, The Garden House, Tower Tavern, White Trash Wednesday, The Pennant, being too snobby to go to the barn, the best nights of my life.

I am from true friends, sad St. Patty's days, being left with just one of my soul mates.

I am from missing half of me but never stopping life with my other half.

I am from concerts, contests, stalking, the route, and the mind blowing VCI.

I am from "Steve, can I have his number?", I'll never be able to thank you both enough, the best gift I've ever been given.

I am from a surprise that changed my universe, can we name it Elvis, or Presley?, the smell of Burger King as I was starving, PUSH, the first sound from the man who would bless my world in a way I've never known, BATMAN.

I am from champagne & tears over a teddy bear & diamonds.

I am from sleepovers the night before the "I DO's" are said.

I am from becoming friends with the girls that shared my insane parents with me, loving them more completely than I ever thought possible.

I am from the house in the woods, Saturday night dates, hoagies from Remster's.

From the Halloween Parade, warm October birthdays, waiting for the one to ask the question.

I am from a Ford Taurus, a perfectly imperfect proposal, the day I dreamt of as a little girl...only better.

I am from sending an email & holding my breath.

I am from getting my other half back & still loving the half that stayed the course.

I am from a pregnancy test then a car accident in 24 hours, the perfect pink palace, the girl I was meant to love.

I am from hearing the worst news in my life from a man I swore would never hurt me, & knowing he couldn't help it this one time, feeling my heart fall out of my chest, wanting to help a woman I couldn't reach, knowing life would never be the same.

From trusting my heart to heal the wounds that it held, to letting my girls love me through long, hard times.

I am from taking the first step, making people love me, working my magic, getting what I want.

I am from being there to let you know I loved your father too.

I am from the new house, Mickleton again, Club Thompson, being minutes from those I love.

I am from flirting mercilessly; still coming home to the one perfect man, and being loved just the same.

From Tyler & Trevor in their very first hours, Junie May the Third becoming a beautiful, brilliant woman, feeding cats & having cooking lessons while some are in class.

I am from painting a house, birthdays on the living room floor, making a house a home.

I am from knowing children are my meaning of life & loving the knowledge that I picked my perfect mate in creating them.

I am from SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS!!!, finding the meaning of life on my way to a Phillies game, knowing that the things I take for granted are some girls hopes & dreams.

I am from wanting to grow older with the girls I cherish, fearing the loss of our parents, hoping for a few more weddings.

From anticipating my sister's reaction to the greatest gift in the world, from the joy I feel in all birthdays, from looking forward to more reasons to celebrate just being.

I am from LOVE.

the cable guy

was here...smelled yummy....hooked my laptop up & dropped the digits while he was here...lol! back to nightly blogs & myspacing at all hours!!!!! did ya miss me???????

M is home from vacation, we had a perfect Thursday nite dinner & I think B & I are going to Bottos tomorrow nite! Looks like it's gonna be a great weekend my loves!!!!!!

my sister Heather...she wrote hers...I'll be doing mine later!

I absolutely loved this...it's so her life...in a NUT shell...LOL!!!!!!! 9/10ths of this is me too...so she sent it to me & I cried...this was our youth!!!

I Am From

(An exercise in identity crisis)

I am From

I am from the gas stove, from reading with a flashlight under the covers and early mornings.

I am from the Big Girls and the Little Girls, big old cars, and a cat named for Elvis.

From the old blue house, the smell of cookies baking, and the sound of pages turning.

I am from long summer days, the fireworks, nights on a blanket in the side yard under the stars.

I am from the roller skates with metal wheels, the summer breeze and swatting green head flies.

I am from soda bread and chubby cheeks, from long fingers, big feet, and Irish ancestry.

I am from the passionately liberal and the tender-hearted,

From the because I am your mother, that’s why

I am from the big round table, the Mummers Parade, and Christmas with family.

I am from small neighborhoods, field hockey practice, and friends who are sisters.

I am from the West End, games of car tag, and sneaking a beer on the tracks or in the middle of the field.

From love picnics, and pie crust that Deb made, from long conversations and the statute of limitations.

I am from the crunching leaves, the fall parade, and long nights decorating Delaware Street before a playoff game.

I am from the BOE room and pasting the White and Gold together using a ruler and a glue stick.

From band competitions and funny faces made from the across the choir room.

I am from lazy Sunday mornings, the Villanova Flu, and the all women's school.

I'm from JFK in the elevator and the girls who can buy their own drink.

From the East Coast, Boat House Row, and frat party loafers.

I am from Sr. Catherine Cunningham, cheater church, campus tours, and frozen drinks blended in the bathroom.

I am from Bell Lake, a hazy cloud, and orange vests.

I am from The Firm, and panzarotti while the acrobat on the motorcycle flies over head.

I am from Neena's the night before Thanksgiving, drinks at Nipper's and from breakfast at the Colonial.

Post Script: More recently…

I am from showering friends with gifts as they grow in new directions.

I am from new spouses that become Old Friends

From birthday parties with babies, then toddlers, and now kids that can read!!!

I am from the cat lady, then wedding plans and spread sheets, and finally carving pumpkins and freaking out about clear shoes.

I am from the NEW Old House, the porch swing, and the back 40.

From the doctor's office, cycle monitoring, injections and visits galore!

Dawnie...

has a new blog...check it out!!! Aunt Kelly has a new dog...meet Daphne...the kids ADORED her!!!

Happy Mother's Day...

to all of my favorite Mommies...& a very special Happy Mother's Day to my big sister...in 6 beautiful months I'll have either a niece or a nephew who is lucky enough to have her & Kurt as parents! I am so very excited for you both...it's the most incredible thing you'll ever do!!!

CONGRATULATIONS...we love you so much & can't wait to meet Debunk!!!