10 long years without him...W.T.M.

I remember the feeling when Red called me to break the news, I was home in Quinton playing with the kids. She told me to sit down...& then that he was gone. I immediately thought of my friend, half of me...who had been gone for so long, for unknown reasons & none of it mattered. I didn't know how to get to her...or where to find her.

I remembered thinking...about who he was to me...more importantly to them. To his face, they were Mr. & Mrs. Moyer. They were the respectable & responsible parents. Not Kath & Bar...the crazy parents who would let you stay up all night as long as you helped with the weekend chores. Not Jody, the one you turned to for a great meal & some good old fashioned "Moming."

They adulted before it was an actual thing. And I remember sobbing...then laughing. It was like Bill, Joan (I always called them that NOT to their faces...because I'm a rebel)& I were meant to be sworn enemies...hahaha. I was everything they wanted Margie not to be...but they never treated me any differently. They accepted my wildness and sarcasm. They laughed at me being a total maniac with sweet little Sammi. They allowed me to trample all over the front lawn turning cartwheels. They let me steal their baby & keep her at my house more often than they probably wanted. They knew she would be returned in one piece...smelling like cigarette smoke & trouble.

What they didn't know, was how much I admired them. How much I told myself one day...I would find a Bill & be his Joan. They weren't mushy or touchy-feely...but you could feel their love. You could see the pride they had in their girls. Their smiles at each other when they talked about how long they had known one another. The peace that was in 413 Griscom Drive was a REAL thing. I wanted my kids to know that stability & comfort. I wanted to find someone to watch cheesy t.v. with me...someone who could get excited about Walker Texas Ranger. Someone who loved WHS sports like this man! Who would rescue his kid  & her jackass friend from New Brunswick when they had lied and said they were up the street...& didn't kick serious ass upon seeing that they were safe. For my entire life, I'll remember how calm he was when he got to us. My dad would have MF'd us into tomorrow...not Bill. He hugged us both, said get in the car & he was good- not a word. In my attempt at breaking the ice, I started to ramble on...he looked at me & said, "Not now, Anne." As calm as could be...that one moment taught me- hold your tongue. It was so astounding to a teenager. Just think before you say something - contemplate the ramifications.

I also thought of the day he met my Brandon- at a WHS football game of course. It was an away game & I saw him across the stands- wearing one of the girls' WHS sports jackets. Always smiling, there cheering on the Herd. We were there to watch Kelly cheer, he was there to be a fan. I didn't think he'd see me, or approach me. When he did, he said he had to...because he saw  "this little person" & he patted him on his head. He was one of the few people to this day who has said..."He looks just like you!" I asked about M & asked him to please give her my love- I wrote my # on a program & asked him to have her call me. He said he would, like he had done every time I called while we were apart. I knew he really had. He was an honest man. A great man.

I remember the day we stood in line to pay our respects, I'd seen her a few times- we were building our friendship back. I remember her seeing me, & me sobbing. (shocking I know) She was strong & firm when she consoled me- he's no longer suffering she said. She hugged me, said I didn't have to come. While I appreciated the fact that she knows what an emotional basket case I am...only M would console people at a moment like this. I remember the following day, when I caught her eye in that sweet church in Skippack. She was shocked...there was no place else I would be. She was still immeasurably strong, a trait I have not picked up in all these years.

I sit here...10 years later- still sad, still a cry baby- but, hoping you see us. You leaving...made me refuse to leave. Those 2 days changed me, I wouldn't let her push me away ever again. She hasn't tried, knock wood. I hope you & my dad hang out on Saturdays in the fall cheering on the Herd. I hope you see that I will protect her, and love her, and be her person for as long as I'm breathing. I thank you for raising such an insanely generous person. I love her.

Thank you for showing us both what is necessary to help your person get through the loss of their Dad. I couldn't have done that without her. Here we are...2 members of a club we hate & want no parts of...but, I feel like we're crushing the damn thing. It doesn't get easier, we just get stronger. But, 10 years...that sucks the air out of a girl. You've gotten a lot of company over this decade, I hope today they hug you- not that one armed, I'm mad at you hug you gave Margie & I on the roadside in New Brunswick- a real, big...WHS just won the championship hug. They're from us! You are missed, Mr. Moyer.

xoxo- The Troublemaker