I get into bed Thursday nite & Barry snuggles me...it's been an emotional week for me...so I breathe in deep & sigh...with that I say, "You smell beautiful, you smell like... forever." & he looked at me like I had just told him the most incredible secret in the world...he hugged me tight & kissed my forehead & his response was..."I love you!" I don't know what it was about my statement...I was just thinking out loud, but I knew letting him know that something about that smell I smelled at that moment made him feel loved.
This got me thinking (& staying up for hours) about smells...the ones that mean the most to me...& here some of them are...& who they relate to.
The earliest smell I can remember is that of Old Spice & Heineken...mixed in the most incredibly scrumptious way~ that is my Pop Dugan.
Then, there's sea salt, the smell of the bay & a slight hint of a great bottle of Italian wine~ that's my Granddad Smith.
My mom's smell is Fall, pumpkin spice, The Cookies That Got Bob Fired, & a menthol cigarette (it's not a bad thing).
Funnel Cake, posterboard paint, the smell of crepe paper streamers fresh out of their package, street vendor popcorn & crisp fall air accented with the sound ofcrunching leaves will always be my sister Heather to me. She is Sun Ripened Raspberry & the smell of burnt toast. :)
Kelly is the smell of glittery hairspray, wine coolers, the stink that comes off of pom poms that are flat & need to be scrunched...it's a really good plastic smell that a very few of us love. The smell of a midget football field stand (they all smell the same) it's completely Kelly to me.
My Meggie comes to mind whenever I smell a bakery, Bath & Body products, and really yummy hair products. Meg is the smell of a sweet cocktail, Ralph perfume, the smell of lip gloss, Dunkin' Donuts coffee, & Arbor Mist.
Always the newest, expensive, and most beautiful perfumes I smell when walking thru Macy's perfume section take me to my Red instantly...that along with the smell of a great pair of new shoes, the smell of a new car, the smell of clean baby, the smell of champagne (which she never liked but I always get to celebrate a milestone between us...engagements, babies, whatever) they are all her...the things we've experienced together & love equally. Lasagna, birthday cake, Miller Light, cigarettes, Colonial Diner coffee & because of her intense dislike...french toast. A dirty bar, broccoli, rain on a summer nite, sunscreen, they're all smells that make me think of her!
Margaret Alice...she's the winner for the weirdest ones...I can't smell a Dorito & not think of her...she's my Boone's Farm babe, the smell that happens when you light your hair on fire...or your acrylic nail, she is Colonial Pizza Fries...she always has the same smell about her...I can't for the life of me name the perfume & no one smells like her when they're wearing it...but, I love it on her. Pizza Hut, Mad Dog, bug spray, baby oil, burning bed...it's got the most insane smell...LOL!
The smell of kerosene in the parts washer, gasoline on the floor & kitty litter being used to soak it up...things you're probably wrinkling your noses at the thought of...they give me butterflies...they are my early smells from Barry (late nights spent watching him work his magic in his parent's garage) & they're the same smells I equate with his Dad...my Daddy-in-law...the best father-in-law in the world.
The smell of AC Performance...dust & motorcycle exhaust, gasoline, grease & the smell that comes off the pavement in 90 degree heat...it's Barry too...it's also Tom!
Barry is in a world of his own when it comes to smells...he is the smell of a mechanic...the smell of Ivory soap, clean laundry, my babies, grilled cheese, microwave popcorn, car cleaning products, freshly cut grass, the smell of the dirt after working in the yard, the smell of paint, polyurethane, propane, Aqua Net, MGD, food on the grill, they all remind me of him.
Brandon is Baby Magic (forever, it will remind me of his first bath), Crayola crayons, the smell of that awful blanket which I could sleep with nightly just to be close to him, baby breath, the smell of the soil being turned over by an enormous tractor...an amazing smell! The smell of chocolate makes me think of him, the smell of vanilla ice cream, and hot dogs, cotton candy, mud...they're all pure BRANDON to me!
Katie is Chanel No. 5...she LOVES it, nail polish, nail polish remover, fruit snacks, pretzels, cheese, & Lavender baby shampoo, baby lotion, ketchup, baby powder, strawberry, green beans, Kraft macaroni & cheese, fruit snacks, bananas & MILK.
My mommy-in-law is the smell of a great big juicy turkey, a nice bottle of wine, Windex, the smell of blush...it does have a smell, Suave hairspray, the smell of a BURNT hot dog, sweet things make me think of her...not only because she's sweet...but because she & Brandon share a sweet tooth...& are equally skinny so they can indulge.
The smell of Citizens Bank Park, Apricot Ale, the subway, Acqua, 2 eggs over medium with a side of bacon & potatoes, a Colonial burger, a new beer, a slice from Sal's, Dove pit stick, hair gel, minty chewing gum, the smell of a just opened cd, of a really great hoagie, or a soft pretzel...they're all smells that bring me back to superb moments in time with my very best friends!
I can still smell Sammy, Joanne will forever be Beautiful by Estee, the smell of mums is Trish, Barb is Red Door without a second thought...it astounds me how something in your nose can affect your heart so deeply...but it does.
My heart pounds when I smell these things...they make me think of all of you...they make me laugh & smile...& sometimes look back with a heavy heart, wanting to be the little girl who can snuggle the scratchy wool sweater of the man that smells like beer & Old Spice. I want to have one more walk on the beach with my Granddad, I want him to see Brandon & Kate again. I want the people to know their smells...to know that for as long as I live, these silly things will be them to me & it means the world to walk by some stranger & be back in that moment because of a smell. You're all there...living in my heart...thru my weirdly shaped nose & I wouldn't have it any other way.
SMELL YOU LATER!!
Happy 32nd birthday to my very favorite co-worker!! I wish you millions more birthdays! I hope this year is as perfect for you as the last was!
me that my angel has in fact turned 3! I remember that Thursday in such vivid detail...I remember just knowing it was here, the day I was going to meet MY daughter. It was more than I could have ever imagined...that moment...when I first saw her. I remember thinking after Brandon was born that I would NEVER love another human being like I loved him.I worried the entire time I was pregnant with Katelyn that I would still feel that way...and I know the peace that washed over me the second I looked into those eyes~ knowing that I had been a lunatic all along. I felt that same feeling & I knew how the Grinch felt...because as sure as I sit here, I felt my heart grow in that instant!
i keep meaning to write...to tell you all about how perfect & beautiful the last days of summer truly were...but then something else comes along that requires Mommy's immediate attention. Today...this was it all day...my MAN...my sweet boy! He's officially a first grader & a beautiful, sweet, sensitive one at that! Today...I had multiple epiphany's...this boy...makes me a better human being, this I know!
This was Bran & Kate on one of the last days of summer 2007...just these happy, giggly little creatures that see the amazement in laying in soft grass that tickles your toes through your flip flops...I swear to you all...we just laid there on that blanket (thanks ABC) for hours that day...laughing & coloring & being the 3 of us!! One of my favorite things about a Saturday...is I get ME time with the 2 of them...just the 3 of us! Then I get rescued just in time...LOL! Seriously though...this was one of those perfect days...one I know for the rest of my life I'll be able to hear in the back of my mind...the sounds of the 2 of them...& the smells of them...the love they give me when it's just us...those are the things I LIVE for!!!
Then, somehow, I blinked & today was here...& he kept repeating over his Pop Tart this morning...through the tears he was trying to choke back...I'M NERVOUS...that was all he said...repeatedly...I wanted to scoop him up & run away with him...to tell him Mommy would never make him do anything that scares him...but I can't...this is one of those things...these are those life lessons...sometimes you're scared & nervous about things & you STILL have to do them...they're things you'll love with all of you! I wanted to tell him...those butterflies...they're the things that let you know you're alive...they're not scary...love them...they're the things that let you know good things are ahead...that I hope one day...he'll be saying...I'M NERVOUS to me over a Pop Tart & there will be a beautiful girl getting into a white dress talking to her Mommy...who has those same butterflies! These are all the insane things I think in those moments! I know how much he loves school...how much I loved it...it's just the not knowing what you're about to face that makes him nervous...but that is the good stuff!
So...yeah, I'm sitting here crying now...thinking about how much has changed since this time last year...since just last week...it's an incredible gift Barry has given me...these 2 tiny little people...these 2 little souls that carry my heart in their hands...I can see it beat faster with every new day...with every single step that takes them closer to their beautiful & inevitably brilliant futures (c'mon...it's still me...these kids are gonna be god damn rock stars or something!!!...if i'm too serious for too long i become hysterical...gimme a damn break!!!) But, I do...I feel my heart race...it's a good race, a long hard race...it's the same race Brandon's butterflies are doing...& I can't wait to see what's waiting at the finish line...
run fast little one...just don't squeeze your hand shut too hard...my heart is a very, very sensitive thing...& take your time every so often to stop...& just enjoy the grass tickling your toes through your flip flops...no matter how old you are!
