another one down...

one day closer to the Canoe Trip...not sure yet if that's a good thing or a bad one! While I'm very excited about spending an entire day with Barry just the 2 of us...no Mommy & Daddy...just us! I'm superbly nervous about being the girliest girl anyone has ever met & trying to remain calm...I don't do canoes, I don't do sports, I don't DO HELMETS, I certainly don't do pissing in the woods...or worse yet...Port 'o Potties!

I'm already contemplating how I'll react to a broken nail...or TAN LINES! I'm sure some sort of life jacket comes along with this territory...in case I become knocked unconscious before I hit the rapids...let me just say...if that happens & I kick the bucket (we already signed the waivers saying we wouldn't sue if loss of life happens...sounds like a good time to me)...don't let them recover my body! Who the hell wants to be laid out with tan lines, a broken nail & what's left of the helmet hair I'm sure to incur! Seriously...how much fun is a day with your love when waivers releasing the company you're "relaxing" with have to be signed in case you croak or...become a capper!

Do wheelchairs come in pink??? What will become of the other half of the Solid Gold Dancers if one of us gets wheels due to an unfortunate Canoe accident...how do you say...don't mind my chair...I was living on the edge...in a damn canoe?? I'm clearly not canoe material!!

What happened to him romancing me with a fun trip to New Orleans...now that's a good time! How about Vegas...CANOEING!?! I'm not going to be the bitchy whiny me you all know & mostly hate...I've been very brave to him...sure, honey...sounds like fun in my best "work phone" voice...the one people always say is just too sweet...at one point, Winters asked me if honey were dripping from my throat I was so sickening...but I've been sweet!

Encouraging him to embrace his new work friends...this is a new side of Barry...wanting to be out in public...with virtual strangers...wanting to make new friends...enjoying it even...so...I'll trudge on...I guess strappy heels...or flip flops are out of the question...what does one wear to die in a canoe? I want to look good for the rescue team! :)

It will be fun...once I get done busting balls...the last time I met them all...Barry's boss SWORE the following Tuesday that he introduced me to someone at the party as his girlfriend...& she grilled him, FIERCELY...& said she had every intention of telling his wife if she'd found out he was cheating...I love her for that! & Red says I should take it as a compliment...that I'm hot enough to be the other woman...so I'm going...& I plan on telling them all how much I hate his wife...& I really am his girlfriend...the wife is home with his kids...LOL! I gotta say...they were awfully sweet for a bunch of people who thought I was the dirty whore he drags around behind his old lady's back...LOL!

So...they're sweet people even if they think you're a skank who's the side piece...I love them for that...I hope I'm just being a big chicken...& I get to tell you all on Monday that you should polish up your canoe helmets & get ready to dig a hole in the ground to piss in because I'm booking us a canoe trip!

Hope you've got fun plans this weekend...Dawn is having Girl's Weekend...some much needed time with her peeps from PA...they invited me like the lovey girls they are...I probably wouldn't need a helmet for anything other than the initiation...but I could have handled that! ha ha ha...

Red & I are gonna plan our day at the beach with the babies for one day within the next 2 weeks...I hear the sea calling my name as I write...I love the ocean so much...& it's a great excuse to eat funnel cake...so is the rodeo...LOL!

Happy Tuesday, lovers...hope you are thinking of all the nice things you want to say at my funeral...don't forget to throw in some rock n roll...& some profanity...I'll love you immensely for it!!!

THANK GOD FOR LINDSAY LOHAN GETTING BUSTED TODAY...i'm now in second place in my celebrity gossip pool!!! ATTA GIRL LiLo!!!!